At the Movies Nonfiction

Many of the poets I've known is thanks to facebook and their openness for accepting this white guy from Topeka, Kansas who does his best to cope and fight the Patriarchy.

I first met Rachel Zucker at AWP2006, and kept in touch, and she mentions Maggie Smith in her book, while I carry her book, and carry Heather Christle's book. All three books in poetic non-fiction I carry and not just carry but read and not just read but study.

I am in Topeka, Kansas raised by two moms, but the family romance is over and my last secret I finally revealed to my spouse Carrie which was after a small discussion about how we are both queer.

I didn't realize until the other romances were disolved.

Here are the three books in which two talk about queerness:
The Argonauts
SoundMachine
The Crying Book
Animal

Oops, Dorothea Lasky snuck into my stack.

These are my mentors, invisible. I am against masculinity, so it is difficult to find good male friends I can relate to, and I feel more comfortable around women.

Let me say, the men who were mentors to me broke my heart by revelaing who they are. Both narcissist, one a gaslighting liar gatekeeper to me, the other a predator of women he works with.

One female mentor has her own world I didn't seem a part of, or many of us. Another whom I was close to and was an anchor to my selfdestructing world I've lost touch with.

I made the mistake of asking her out after my divorce, having a wonderful time, then wondering if it was all in my head, if she was interested in another date. I waited. It never happened.

So, yes, it wasn't until time passed that I moved on and I felt the awkwardness. No connection.

Mistake.

Error.

Like La La Land, its ending, sure I wonder if things went that other way, but we are also each as happy with our lives, our loves.

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I have ADHD, so I will need to focus this At the Movies, not ignoring the intersectionality of this all, but in my mind I see it as a sphere of connection where I have to make the words come out as a string.

But I can also disrupt the color of the string.


Because I love how The Crying Book unfolds in a stream. Pun.

I am empathic, intuitive, based on trauma.